Happiness

What is happiness and why are we not happy? Even though we thought when we get married to the person that we love, we will live happily ever after. We are not happy, well may be if we buy few houses we will be happy and/or when we have success in our career we will be happy. Then we say when we become a millionaire we will be happy. But we are still not happy. Why, why are we postponing our happiness??? Some people even go into the loop hole of “Why me?” that won’t do any good to you at all.  You have to understand life is happening for everyone, in a similar or different ways. Everyone will tell you they have problem.  In fact, there’s nobody without any problem in the world. For each individual, their problem is the biggest problem.  Often clients, who call me, tell me that they have a really big problem (I’m not exaggerating). But for them it is a big problem. We have to respect and understand that, otherwise we can’t assist them at all.

We are always jumping to catch the next moment as if that’s going to be a permanent solution for our happiness. Therefore we miss out on the reality, which is NOW.  If you really think about it “now” is the only reality. You can only experience anything in the now. Therefore yesterday, and tomorrow are only a concept and the reality is only “NOW”.  For the logical mind to identify and separate events we mention times and in a deeper level “now” is the only reality which is in our experience and in existence. However most of us know this and still tend to catch the next moment and it creates only anxiety and disappointments. We are constantly trying to do something for the next moment and trying to fix everything outside of our control. We don’t realise the inevitability of that event and we tend to get angry or beat ourselves up for what happened.

For example: When you’re driving, if someone cut you off on the street most people get angry and some people’s whole day is ruined just because of this simple incident. They just keep on blaming that incident and /or something else happened to them on that day. I even remember when I used to work in the corporate environment; people say damn, I had a bad client/ customer today, so my whole day is ruined.  We don’t remember to realise the inevitability of that moment and just let go of that thought and come to reality. How stupid are we?  Am I telling you not to take any action?  Not at all, you have to plan and prepare and do things. What I’m pointing out here is that how stupid are we if we are trying to go back and change something that already happened?  We need to realise the inevitability of the past and do the things which is in our control. We can definitely learn from our past, but cannot go back and change that particular event. However we can take responsibility and change the things for the future.

When we start looking at ourselves and the way we are carrying on with our life, we have been always longing for something more. Sometimes we are not sure what that is, so we put a name tag on it and call it “goal, passion, interest, greed, achievement… etc”. What we want with our life is conditioned and programmed in our unconscious mind based on our culture, upbringing, environment, medias, friends and what we learnt from our past experiences. However, when we achieve what we’ve desired we are still not happy. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev says “even if you become a King/ Queen of this whole world you will still long for something more than what you already have or try to become more than what you are now”.

As we grew up, we think that when we finish our high school we will be happy.  When we finish it, we realised that’s not it, we have to go to university and/or find a job. We again tell ourselves when we find a job I’ll be happy then when we find a job we tell ourselves if I find a girl/ guy I’ll be happy. Then we find someone, we are still not happy after few months/ years we start to wonder is he/she’s the right one and then tell ourselves if I only build a house I can be happy. We have a beautiful house, may be we even buy two or three more houses and we are still not happy. We tell ourselves, may be I missed on having fun and I have to go out and enjoy my life and catch up with my friends so we go clubbing or hang out with friends a lot because we don’t want to miss out on anything, for a short while it feels good, and then when we go home we feel lost, lonely and sometimes even feel depressed. Some people think well, I have to get away from all this stressful life and travel and see all the beautiful places and feel the need to have time and pamper myself.  But after coming back, the reality hits them and when they really sit down and think about it, it was an escape in the first place (cannot generalise everyone). It was like dealing with the side affects and putting patches rather than working with the root cause of the problem and getting rid of it. For most people next step is to take drugs or/and alcohol because they have done everything that they knew that will give them happiness so they start drinking and/ or using drugs.  It puts you in a loop hole of depression and unawareness, in a very dark place. So for most people life goes something similar to this. Life goes on like this without really experiencing the real nature of “YOU”.  I’m not discussing about whether it is right or wrong. I’m simply discussing about what most of us do and how it is connected to our happiness.

I’m sure what I wrote here may push some buttons. If it is getting pushed, it is good, we have to stir it before throw it out; so I want you to ask yourselves why am I getting pushed or feeling uncomfortable with it?

So, who are you?  What do you really want?

To me, trying to be happy by external events, people, and wealth are like having a shower every time you feel thirsty. It will cool you down for a bit but it won’t quench your thirst. In a long-run it can be dangerous for you. But this is what most people are trying to do, and believing because everybody’s doing it so they have to do it as well - just to fit in.

One of my recent realisations was finding out what I really want for myself.  What you really want for you is for you to find out. To start, you can ask with the question, “Who am I?” It is not about finding out theoretically but actually experiencing it.  You want to take responsibility for your own life or just keep on adding more and more and still going to feel empty? I guess you want to take responsibility. Don’t you?

I want to stop here and if any questions or comments I’m happy to answer it. So you get something out of it rather than I tell you how to be happy. Usually, depending on the situation, if someone ask me for help I ask them are you expecting me to console you, give you solution, or simply just talk about it?  I don’t believe in any of these. I can certainly guide a person towards where they want to go; so they can always empower themselves and use the tools. Nobody can do anything for you unless you feel the NEED to do something about your own life.

If I say something you can either choose to belief or disbelief it. If you belief it, it won’t really make much difference and you carrying on with your life believing that you know. But unless you put it into action and “experience” it as a truth for yourself you won’t really know it. If you disbelief what I say, it won’t do anything for you either. You just closed the door to even check if there’s anything more to you and your life.  I don’t want you to belief or disbelief what I’m saying here. Just keep an open mind and consider what I wrote here.  That will guide you to the experiential truth if you want it.

Who's driving your bus?

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission”

Everyone wants to be happy and enjoy their life; however most of us rely on happiness from outside. We tend to blame the outside situations and other people for why our life is so miserable. Why is it the way it is?  If we take responsibility for what is happening in our life, then everything changes over night. When we rely on external events and other people we give our power away to someone else or some events.  Then if it doesn’t go according to how we want it we then blame others as well.  The question is who’s driving your bus?  

You may ask me so how about those who intentionally hurt me, how about those rapists, murderers and all others who commit crimes against humanity.  I’m not denying these things are not happening. These challenges are going to be always there around you. However, when you realise consciously or unconsciously you’re responsible for your life you will stop blaming others and start looking within yourself for solutions. It is not to beat yourselves up or anything, but to get your power back. Realising I’m responsible for everything happening to me and around me gives the power. 

Some of my client’s and friends say that they already know all these and it didn’t work for them. So I usually catch them when they react to things or behave in a certain way, some people don’t like it and they feel confronted and some people just laugh at themselves for doing what they did and correct themselves.  When they react, it shows that they are not practicing what they’ve learnt, and it was just something that they learnt and it is just there as an old file in their memory. Some people think they know it and they have done it all but they don’t really apply it in their life or practice it, which shows that you don’t really know it.

I allowed myself to be used, and/or I allowed myself to be in a certain situation in my life that created lots of problem in my life. I choose to be there either consciously or unconsciously. I knew this theoretically for a long time; however when I really started living this way my whole life changed. There’s only happiness and bliss.  Some people even ask me if I’m drunk when I’m out or in a party when I haven’t even touched any alcohol or anything. I just laugh even more, and some of my friends even say you had enough, you have to drive, so drink some water now... hahaha.

You may ask me, don’t you react? Don’t you get angry? Don’t you feel this or that...? I don’t like to give my power to anyone to control my life. I don’t allow anyone else to decide how I should be feeling. Sometimes, I may have some sudden reactions; however it only last for few minutes or seconds.  It used to ruin my life for days or/and even weeks before. Certain things happened in my life ruined my daily life for years. Nowadays I don’t give the privilege to anyone to make me feel angry or sad or anything less than what I am.  That came with awareness of who I am and lots of practices.

Do you know that you can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything? You don’t have to freak out, overreact or even react in a negative way. Perhaps not every time or instantly especially at the beginning when you start practicing this. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction just goes off, or an old thought habit kicks in, but you’ll realise it and only last for few minutes or seconds and you’re back to taking responsibility for the way that you feel and behave towards any situations and life challenges.

As you realize that nobody outside of yourself can actually control how you feel you can start to incorporate this into your daily life and develop it as a habit. Thoughts become your behaviour and when you do it few times it becomes your habit and then it becomes your second nature. 

Aristotle says “we are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then not an act but a habit”.  When you learn to manage yourself in every possible way, it becomes easier for you to create the excellence in whatever area that you want.

Be the change you want to see in the world

 

"Be the change you want to see in the world”

 

If you change yourself, you’ll inspire your loved ones to change. If you change your loved ones, you will inspire your friends and others around them to change and the whole city and the whole country can be changed. You will change your world and its all starts with you. If you change your world, you change the way that you perceive things around you. Not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions but also because the change within can allow you to tap into resources that you didn’t realise that you had before. When we are stuck in our old thinking pattern and self pity we won’t have any options but go in a loop of thought forms, and stuck in there.

The problem with changing your outer world without changing yourself is that you will still be you when you reach that change you have strived for. You will still have your downs, negativity, self-sabotaging tendencies, excessive self criticism, and all sorts of negative emotions including anger and sadness. So, first we have to focus on our negative emotions, and all the old baggage that we carry within us and get rid of them.

How can we do that? Well, most of us don’t want to even go into their emotions and analyse or do anything about it. We simply ignore it. Until we are pushed to the edge most of us don’t want to take responsibility for their own problems. It becomes much easier to blame others and carry on with our life with a victim mentality. Most of us carry on with our life like that; it only takes away the power from you and gives the power to someone else to control your emotions.  We can get rid of those negative emotions by going back and learning the lessons from those events, understanding and accepting we are all human and let go of the negative emotions and take the learning with you. 

You can also sit down and think about each and every emotion that you have and what are the causes of it?  Important part is, not to blame anyone (including you), if you blame others for the cause you will never move forward in your life and you will be stuck. But if you take responsibility and say, okay this happened now I can look at the events from my past and take the learning and let go of all the negative emotions. This will give you the power to be in charge of your own emotions and in charge of you.

Our ego likes to be tamed, and it uses our negative emotions as it’s’ lenses to see the world. Our ego wants attention and if we don’t practice character building, ego may grow more powerful. Your own ego is possessive of you, so it loves to divide things, to find enemies and to create separation it may start to try to create even more problems and conflicts in your life and world. And we then start to believe what we see is the only reality and start arguments and conflicts with others around.

Carl Jung says “Perception is Projection”. He was saying that our perception about things around us and the things that we see around us is only our Projection of us. We are projecting to the world what is within us. I belief that is something to think about and consider.

If we want to see a harmonious and peaceful world, then we must be the change that we want to see in the world.

You can read bit more about it on my previous blog post: http://aumcare.blogspot.com.au/2011/07/if-you-do-what-you-have-always-been.html

Stuttering Child and Parents

Recently one of my colleagues asked few of us if we have worked with any stutterers. It reminded me of the time when I worked with one of my friend’s daughter. So I thought I'll write it here.

My friends wanted their daughter to learn her mother tongue, so they didn’t speak to her in English until she went to Kindergarten. I’ll call this girl Jane. Just few months before they send Jane to kindergarten they taught her little bit of English. When she started to speak English she started to stutter.  

I found out that Jane was stuttering because her parents and grandparents were panicking about it and telling me how Jane started to stutter recently. Those words her parents used were all negative and they were pretty much saying there’s something wrong with her (Front of Jane). When I had the time alone with Jane, I asked her how come she’s speaking like that and she wasn’t speaking like that few weeks ago. Jane told me “because I’m a stutterer, that’s why I am speaking like that”. I was bit disappointed with her parents because how come this little girl knows that word without anyone telling her that she’s a stutterer. While Jane was trying to speak to me, both her parents were panicking and very anxious and said, “see Haran, she can’t talk… she can’t even say her name… ask her to say her name…”  I asked Jane to tell me her name; she said “J… j… j… j… jjjaa…. Jaaa…janeeeeeeee” and she was talking like that all the way. Her parents were telling me (front of Jane) that she may end up like this for ever and that is what the doctors are saying and she needs to go and see a specialist.

I stopped her parents and told them to stop panicking like that and talk front of her with all the negative information. I advised them that if they talk that way, it will plant negative belief and low self esteem (negative seeds) in Jane. However Jane’s parents were not listening to me. They told me “Haran, you don’t understand, she can’t speak…. She’s stuttering… she is a girl… and it is going to be really hard life for her... “. I stopped them again and said please don’t talk like that in front of her. 

Jane was sitting on my lap and telling me about her day. I asked Jane to talk like how she used to talk; Jane looked at me and said “I can’t talk like before… I’m a stutterer”.

At one point I thought I’ll try this particular NLP technique on Jane. I told Jane’s parents that I’ll work with her and see what happens. I did some NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) technique for few minutes with Jane and then asked her to tell me her name.  Jane told me “Jane” and she started to talk without any issues. I showed her parents how she was speaking without stuttering. 

Jane’s mother was panicking again and telling me… “No… no Haran… the doctor told me that she needs to see the specialist for this” I told them “She’s speaking perfectly now, what else you want and stop talking negative and belief that she’s perfectly healthy and speaking properly now”. However Jane’s parents wouldn’t listen, particularly Jane’s mother was just so negative about it. I told them, if they want to take Jane to the specialist they should go and test. However they must stop telling Jane or other’s (especially when Jane is around) any negative things about Jane.  When I left their place on that day, Jane was speaking perfectly. 

After few days I went there again and Jane was still doing great. After a week or so I went back there and Jane was stuttering again. I asked her mother and she said “Jane is seeing the specialist at the moment”. I worked with Jane again and she stopped stuttering and showed that to her mother again and she said “She needs to go to the specialist next week”. I told her it is good that she goes to the specialist; however she (mother) needs to speak to her daughter positively. When she started to speak without stuttering, she supposed to encourage Jane rather than saying “no…. no… no… she needs to see the doctor and thing that can discourage her and you need to believe in Jane first”. 

What I did was I reprogrammed Jane to belief in her and bring the skills from her past and use it now. However, children can be easily programmed because they don’t have the analytical faculty developed, therefore even though I have done some work on Jane, they can be easily reprogrammed. They don’t know what is right and what is wrong. Therefore it is very important that we use positive, encouraging and loving words when we are with children.

See, I’m not a medical doctor and none of my services are intend to replace the orthodox medicine.  If there’s any symptom of any issues/ illness I’d suggest you to see a Medical doctor. What I’m trying to say here is that I met so many people who are very negative towards their children and their life in general. Don’t tell your children they can’t do something. Always encourage them and use positive words. If they are not doing well at school, what can you do? Rather than teasing them or making fun of them or even punishing them; teach them that you are there for them and make it easier for them to talk to you so you can find out what you can do to assist them. If you tease them or tell them they are dumb; it only creates low self esteem in them.

Any of you had any friends so negative with their children? What do you think?

Live NOW - Experiece Oneness

About couple of weeks ago one of my cousins called me at about 11pm and told me that he has been experiencing something and when he spoke to some people everyone said different things.  He was bit confused as to what was happening to him and why he was feeling the way that he was feeling.  He was excited and at the same time he was worried if he was making up things and if his mind was playing tricks on him etc. 

When I spoke to him, I understood that he started to live in the NOW.  Well, what is NOW?  When I say NOW, it is already gone.  He said he is in a blissful state where nothing really bothers him much nowadays.

We have done a healing on him couple of years ago, after that he was living in a place where he had no fear, no guilt, no anger no negative thought forms.  He was in a space, where he was experiencing stillness.  Lots of people do lots of meditations and self development courses/ works on them to feel that, even if lots of people feel that they just feel it for a second or so and then it is gone.

For example: If you had a child, when you first saw your first child…. That moment, or if you were/ are in love the moment where there’s no other world exists in that space, my cousin was able to experience it after a healing session.That particular second in an expanded amount of hours.

So, what are the reasons that you feel peaceful and the stillness when you see your first child or when you fall in love and you are in a space where nothing else exist.  Well, we don’t look at the child and say ohh… if the child’s nose was only smaller… or if the child was only cuter or something similar. What we experience is we just look at the child and just get absorbed in that particular moment.  The whole world becomes still and we find the peace.  If we want to find the peace, I believe first we have to learn to live in the NOW. Lots of people find it hard to live in the now, because they still live in the past (holding onto their past events and what happened to them) and/or future.

There are different ways you can live in the now. You can sit down and meditate and just absorb what is happening around you in the now without thinking about the past or future.  You can create that peaceful state by forgiving people and letting go and that allows you to stay in the now as well. There are other ways as well.

I have an exercise for you I call it “Oneness Exercise”. It creates a personal sense of peace and you can practice this regularly to create this energy around you.

This can be done anywhere. It can be in a shopping centre, a movie theatre, a park, market or anywhere (Do all these steps with one person at a time) When you do this exercise, having that person’s face in your minds-eye is very important.

1.    Look at a person (pick a person) – you don’t have to touch the person or anything just imagine that stranger and mentally say “ Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness in his/her life”
2.    Look at a person and mentally say “Just like me, this person wants to avoid suffering”
3.    Look at the person and mentally say “Just like me, this person has known sadness and despair”
4.    Look at the person and mentally say “Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs”
5.    Look at the person and mentally say “Just like me, this person is learning about life”

You can do this exercise as many times as you like in a day. You can also do this with your family members, friends, and associates as well.

After you do this, sit quietly for a minute and observe yourself.

If you do what you have always been doing, then you will get the result that you have always got

Most of us want to change something in our life; at least some aspects of our life. Earn more money, have a healthier life, have a happier life, have a beautiful relationship (with the family members or someone else), change the way we behave, change the way we look, change our habits, change our emotions… and the list goes on.  However most people find it hard to change or achieve the goals that they desire.
 
People usually want change, but they find themselves get caught up in a stuck state. People usually want to be comfortable, so they create a safety zone (everyone does it in different ways) and will stay there and secretly wish that their circumstances will change and everything will be fine next day, or next month or next year.  However they wouldn’t change the way they approach things, they wouldn’t change how they look at things internally and externally. Sometimes they change the way they approach things within their own comfort zone. 

Another interesting thing I find with most people is that believing that the other people cannot change or won’t change, however they secretly desire their life to change for the better at least in some aspect in their life. So when we have this fixed believe about someone or something, then we are closing down the opportunity for us to look at things differently and see that there are possibilities for changes.  The universal truth is that everything changes.  People also change physiologically as well as psychologically, based on their environment, time and their experiences in their life; whole world is going through changes every second.

We create the safety zone because we don’t want to get hurt, we don’t want to fail, and we don’t want to be disappointed; we create this safety zone and that is how we function in order to protect ourselves.  Therefore, people will find it difficult to make any changes in their life unless they work with their unconscious mind to make a permanent change. 

We often hear that people say “I leant it the hard way”. What does it mean? It means that it is a choice people go through; life experience, a journey and that taught them about life-challenges, failure, and disappointment that was something not so comfortable for them.  These experiences that we go through in our life make us who we are; our personalities, beliefs, ethics, ecology, and everything about who we are based on our life experiences and the environment that we grew up in. The interesting and the important thing is we can change all those in few minutes. All the NLP practitioners will agree with that from their experience how we can change people’s personalities within minutes.

If your experiences make you who you are, you can only look at things from your own experiences and perspectives.  All other experiences that are unknown to you are not your experiences, and it will be unknown to you. How would you know what you don’t know that you don’t know? Therefore when you look at things you can only look at it through your own life experience to evaluate it and you can only analyse it within your own boundary lines. Likewise, if you are looking at someone and comment about that person (behaviours/ experiences), then who are you looking at? That’s right you are looking at yourselves. You are looking at your own world. This is what quantum physics talks about.  When you understand this, you can always choose to be happy if you want to. You can be in any state that you choose to be in. Every people that you look at, everything that you think that is NOT you, in fact, are YOU. Everything is your mirror image.

In most of my seminars, and therapies I talk about "Cause and Effect". This implies blame, that is, someone ‘made’ you do something or ‘made’ you feel something.

For example:

a. “Every time he laughs like that, he makes me upset”
The truth in a deeper level is that “No one can make you anything.”
You choose to be ‘upset’, working from your Internal Representations (IRs) – your own past experiences and perceived expected behaviours.

b. “Because you commented on my facebook like that, you ruined my whole day, and I was very sad.”
Again, this comment cannot make you do anything; your Internal Representations are triggering that reaction.

c. When she talks to me in that tone of voice, it makes me mad”
Again, his tone of voice cannot make you do anything; your Internal Representations are triggering that reaction.

If you are feeling in certain way, look within yourself and ask yourself:

“What is in me triggering me to feel this way?”
“How can I choose to look at it differently and stay happy?”
“Am I playing a victim role or survivor role?”

I’m sure you have witnessed a scene when someone has really reacted to a situation, and you were unmoved by it, wondering why that other person was so worked up and was making all that fuss.

As an NLP master practitioner, when I see a client with depression (for example) we ask them “How do you DO depression?” in another word, the unconscious will understand exactly what I’m talking about, it will understand that “(you or client) I am choosing to depress myself right now.” No one ‘makes me’ to feel depressed... angry, sad, ecstatic or fearful. My feelings and behaviours are created by me.

People usually blame someone else (the government, the church, parents, partner, friend, whom ever) and the blamer feels all self-righteous. What is happening when you blame other people? When you blame anyone or anything for what happened to you in your life, what is happening to you in your life right now and where you are and who you are, you have just become a ‘victim’. When you think about it carefully a blamer gives all his/her powers to someone else. Thinking unless the world changes they cannot change, unless their friend (whom ever) talk to them in a certain way they cannot have a happy day, unless their partner behaves in a certain way they cannot have a happy life... but in reality, we cannot go to every single person and change them, because those people are behaving in a way based on "their past experiences" and "their life learning". However we can change the way we look at things, and feel that we have the inner resources within us to make us feel happy, feel good and excellent (any emotions you want to feel). Doesn’t matter what happens around us, we can choose to be in a state that we want to be in.

Some clients/ people ask me “but I was sexually abused, how can I not blame? I have cancer, how can I be happy? You won’t understand... I am a refugee so I can’t have a better life”. I belief it is nonsensical to wallow on stories from the past of being a victim. The only important thing is, “given my life so far, what can I do differently? How am I going to move forward in my life and what should I be doing differently to change my situation?”

When you go back to the past and say ‘I was sexually abused, or I was badly treated or I had a horrible life’ it won’t change anything because we cannot go to the past and change the event. When you keep on thinking this way it is only a stuck state and not going to be productive at all.  You just have to look at yourself and ask am I a ‘victim’ or a ‘survivor’. 

Taking responsibility for yourselves, your behaviours and emotions are the best things that you can do for yourselves. To be self-responsible is to look at you and say I own up to the present state of my life. This is not to blame you or brand you as a bad person and make you to go on a guilt trip.  This is about realising all the things that happened to you in your life is because of your conscious and unconscious decisions that you made. No one makes me feel any emotions that I feel, I choose to feel the way that I feel. All the things happen to me is based on my choices that I made based on my conscious and unconscious decisions. I want to point out that I am not denying that terrible things happen to people.

I know that some of you might want to challenge me. And ask me  and one of you might even want to say “Okay Haran, it’s all sounds good, but I had a horrible, alcoholic, drug addict abusive husband and I lost my two children to a horrible accident, and now I have cancer and I only have 6 months to live and tell me how am I responsible for that? and how can I be happy?”
My answer will be it is because of your conscious and unconscious decisions that you made in your past. And... I’ll say even thought I don’t know you, I know how our neural network and unconscious mind works. I would ask you “How is that old story working for you now? – Is that serving you in any way?” Well if you are a person wants to be a victim in your whole life and wants to feel sorry for yourself, you can keep telling yourself that old story from the past. I believe you are smarter than that; you want to make that change in your life, that’s why you even read this far. You want to move forward with your life, towards your desired goals, towards that happy and fulfilling life now.

I am not saying this task can be easy, but playing the ‘victim’ card is guaranteed to put you more into the ‘victim’ ditch forever.

Lots of people argue for their limitations and try to justify, and those limitations are yours. Until you let go of your limitations you won’t move forward with your life. You can define yourself as a poor helpless victim, and the more you say and think that, the more you become a poor helpless victim; it won’t serve you at all. If you do not like where you are right now in your life, the only thing that will change the situation for you is you doing something different. If you try something different and fail, then do something different until you get what you want. There’s no point sitting down and feeling sorry for you. There’s no failure, there’s only feed-back. These feed-backs that you get from your life journey are what makes you grow.

Some clients see me and when they go back home, sometimes they tend to go back to their old routine in bit different way(s). I had this client, we worked on creating SMART goals and how to achieve them etc, however when I called her one week after the session just for a follow up, she advised that she has been doing all the things that we discussed in our sessions. She feels really good emotionally, however she has not achieved her goals yet; I asked her, so what have you been doing?  She said I have planned on what I want to do and wrote down my goals and now I have been sitting down and visualising and meditating on my goals to get the universe to provide it for me.  I told her about how important is to take action. Visualising things positively only reduces anxiety and prepare to be more focused, unless you get out of your couch and do something; nothing will happen to you in real life.  Universe will provide what you want only if you are willing to act on it.

I believe that action is the real key to living a success-FULL life. It is about what sorts of action that you take, it can be even small steps towards your goals every day. In other words, if you don’t do it, it won’t happen. Some of my friends argue with me about positive thinking, positive thinking is great, it makes you more focused on your goal and also makes you feel happy; however unless you act on your goals, nothing will happen.

For example:
Imagine that you so desperately want to get a particular type of job. If you just sit down on your couch and use your visualization and positive thinking do you think you going to get the job?  If you want that particular type of job, you have to prepare your resume`, you have to have the qualification and you have to apply, or you have to let someone or some organization know that you have the skills for that job and you are looking for that job.  If you don’t do it, you won’t get that job.

I am a positive thinker, however if you just rely on positive thinking rather than making an effort to put things in action, then nothing will happen.

When is the best time to make any actions and do anything to achieve your goals? It is NOW. Now is the only reality that exists. Past is gone, tomorrow is just a concept (think about it, how many of you know tomorrow, when you go to tomorrow it is no longer tomorrow… tomorrow never comes).  There are lots and lots of people live in their past.  Even thought they know past is already gone. The only reality that we live in is NOW. Therefore what are you doing right NOW to achieve what you want in your life?

If you want to achieve something in your life the way that you want, things such as having a happy life, healthy life, great relationship, prosperity and abundance, attracting the right partner, etc... Then you have to take responsibility for your act. Remember, there’s no failure, only feed-back.

See, I’m not an enlightened one, not a yogi, not a spiritual-guru, not a perfect human being; I still make mistakes and sometimes experience negative emotions; however, nowadays it only last for few minutes for me . It doesn’t ruin my day.  What I wrote here and what I talk to people in the seminars and sessions are based on what I have learnt about human behaviours, unconscious mind, neural networks; and my knowledge and experiences with so many clients. I do practice what I preach.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is releasing a person or a group of people or an event from our emotion; completely, fully and thoroughly and knowing that person, group of people is/are here to grow and s/he is a human being as well. Instead of holding onto those resentments and anger or any negative emotions towards anyone or any events in your life, you just let go; because we all make mistakes in different levels and different variations. I look at it as energy that creates stagnation and blockages in our energy flow that create dis-ease.


I had clients and some people in my personal life tell me that they cannot forgive someone because of what they have done.  Fair enough, it is a choice for you to either let go and forgive that person or hold onto that negative emotion. Some people think when they don’t forgive someone; they are punishing the other person. However if the other person didn’t realise what they have done in the first place they probably will never get the chance to realise what they have done in 1 year or 20 years time, unless they go through the life journey and learn things for themselves.


Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you just forget everything and hold hands and be friend with the person who harmed you.  It means you just let go of those negative emotions towards that person. How’s it serving you or anyone when you don’t forgive?
 
Some people ask me in my sessions and in my seminars, how can you forgive everyone; how can you show the unconditional love towards those people who hurt you intentionally?
I strongly believe that we are all spiritual beings and we are all here to grow and evolve.  We (every soul) are all in different states in our spiritual evolution. When you go to a 5 year old and asks him/her to do a math and give the same math to a 15 year old; 15year old might finish that math without any problem; because 15year olds’ growth level and understanding levels are much more advanced compare to 5year old. When you understand that everybody’s evolving, we are here to grow and we are all in a different levels of our spiritual evolution then we will be able to look at any events in our life much more deeply and understand it with much more clarity.  When you forgive and let go, it liberates your soul. It will allow you to grow much more quickly rather than get stuck in one place or one aspect of your life. Forgiveness is not something that you do for others, we do it for ourselves to get well and move on with our life.


I had a client, who was in his late twenties. He was with a girl for about 7 years and then that girl cheated on him; he was so much in love with her so he wanted her back in his life, but she didn’t want him and after few years he met another girl and he was in love with that girl again and she broke up with him as well because she got back with her ex-boyfriend. He had panic attacks when he broke up with his first girlfriend and since then he gets it very often and after the second girl his panic attack got worse and he had been taken to emergency few times and admitted in hospital.


He had done MRI and all sorts of scan and other things and doctors couldn't find anything wrong, told him he has no problem.  However he became unwell and had constant panic attack. Therefore he thought he must try other modalities to get help, so he came to see me for sessions. When he first came to see me I was asking him about when all these started?, he told me about his first girlfriend and what happened after that, for me it was very clear that he was holding onto those negative emotions towards his ex-girlfriends. He was very angry towards them and he said he doesn’t know if he can forgive them for what they have done to him.


First we did some work together first, he felt better, however had panic attack again after a month; so he came to see me again and we had another session and told him about the power of forgiveness and how he can forgive; it doesn’t necessarily mean that he has to forget and be friends with his ex-girlfriends but he can forgive and just let go so it will allow him to move on with his life. When he holds onto those negative emotions, only he suffers and punishes himself and others (his ex-girl friends) will carry on with their daily life, doing what they want to do with their life.  After speaking to him for about 20 minutes or so about forgiveness, he said he’s willing to forgive and he doesn’t want them to bother him anymore and he’s happy to release them forever.  We did a forgiving session for few minutes and I suggested him to do that every day for few weeks.  He called me next day and told me that he had the best and the deepest sleep in a long time and he feels like he’s a whole new person.  I can confirm this from my follow up with this client that since then he never had any panic attack.

I use different modalities depending on the client. It has to be a holistic approach and something that can help the client to take incharge and move forward with his or her life.


Understanding the essence of forgiveness is one of the most healing and liberating gifts you can give yourself. Master Choa Kok Sui  describes 7 levels of forgiveness. He says a person’s spiritual development is based on how quickly s/he can forgive.  Does it take you to forgive someone a lifetime? Or a few seconds?

Levels of Forgiveness:

Forgiving…
1.      After few lifetimes
2.      Before dying
3.      After 20-30 years
4.      After 2-5 years
5.      After several months
6.      After several days
7.      Within 0-5 minutes


What are the benefits of forgiveness?
Feel happy and liberated, improved health, clarity, lighter and more beautiful relationships with yourself and others, more abundance, freedom, peace, happiness, vitality and an increased connection to the divine.

The gift that I can give my readers is "The new liberated YOU"… the gift that you can give yourself, very simple and easy; yet lots of people don't give this great gift to themselves. If you want to liberate you... go ahead and practice this:
>>Visualise all those people who have hurt you intentionally and unintentionally and forgive them for what they have done to you. 

>>Visualise them in front of you, about one foot tall. 
Tell them "I forgive you… you are going through your life journey and learning process. ( Note: Depending on if you believe in it or not ==>You are a child of God, therefore I forgive you... ) go in peace. 

>>Then ask for their forgiveness and say 
"please forgive me for what I have done to you intentionally and unintentionally, I’m a child of God (if you believe in it), I’m here to grow, evolve and learn and I am still learning. Please forgive me"

 >>After that, visualise yourself front of you and forgive yourself for all the things that you have done to hurt others and yourself knowingly and unknowingly. 

>>Do this every day for few weeks and enjoy the amazing result.

You can leave a feedback here about your experience :)