Recently one of my colleagues asked few of us if we have worked with any stutterers. It reminded me of the time when I worked with one of my friend’s daughter. So I thought I'll write it here.
My friends wanted their daughter to learn her mother tongue, so they didn’t speak to her in English until she went to Kindergarten. I’ll call this girl Jane. Just few months before they send Jane to kindergarten they taught her little bit of English. When she started to speak English she started to stutter.
I found out that Jane was stuttering because her parents and grandparents were panicking about it and telling me how Jane started to stutter recently. Those words her parents used were all negative and they were pretty much saying there’s something wrong with her (Front of Jane). When I had the time alone with Jane, I asked her how come she’s speaking like that and she wasn’t speaking like that few weeks ago. Jane told me “because I’m a stutterer, that’s why I am speaking like that”. I was bit disappointed with her parents because how come this little girl knows that word without anyone telling her that she’s a stutterer. While Jane was trying to speak to me, both her parents were panicking and very anxious and said, “see Haran, she can’t talk… she can’t even say her name… ask her to say her name…” I asked Jane to tell me her name; she said “J… j… j… j… jjjaa…. Jaaa…janeeeeeeee” and she was talking like that all the way. Her parents were telling me (front of Jane) that she may end up like this for ever and that is what the doctors are saying and she needs to go and see a specialist.
I stopped her parents and told them to stop panicking like that and talk front of her with all the negative information. I advised them that if they talk that way, it will plant negative belief and low self esteem (negative seeds) in Jane. However Jane’s parents were not listening to me. They told me “Haran, you don’t understand, she can’t speak…. She’s stuttering… she is a girl… and it is going to be really hard life for her... “. I stopped them again and said please don’t talk like that in front of her.
Jane was sitting on my lap and telling me about her day. I asked Jane to talk like how she used to talk; Jane looked at me and said “I can’t talk like before… I’m a stutterer”.
At one point I thought I’ll try this particular NLP technique on Jane. I told Jane’s parents that I’ll work with her and see what happens. I did some NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) technique for few minutes with Jane and then asked her to tell me her name. Jane told me “Jane” and she started to talk without any issues. I showed her parents how she was speaking without stuttering.
Jane’s mother was panicking again and telling me… “No… no Haran… the doctor told me that she needs to see the specialist for this” I told them “She’s speaking perfectly now, what else you want and stop talking negative and belief that she’s perfectly healthy and speaking properly now”. However Jane’s parents wouldn’t listen, particularly Jane’s mother was just so negative about it. I told them, if they want to take Jane to the specialist they should go and test. However they must stop telling Jane or other’s (especially when Jane is around) any negative things about Jane. When I left their place on that day, Jane was speaking perfectly.
After few days I went there again and Jane was still doing great. After a week or so I went back there and Jane was stuttering again. I asked her mother and she said “Jane is seeing the specialist at the moment”. I worked with Jane again and she stopped stuttering and showed that to her mother again and she said “She needs to go to the specialist next week”. I told her it is good that she goes to the specialist; however she (mother) needs to speak to her daughter positively. When she started to speak without stuttering, she supposed to encourage Jane rather than saying “no…. no… no… she needs to see the doctor and thing that can discourage her and you need to believe in Jane first”.
What I did was I reprogrammed Jane to belief in her and bring the skills from her past and use it now. However, children can be easily programmed because they don’t have the analytical faculty developed, therefore even though I have done some work on Jane, they can be easily reprogrammed. They don’t know what is right and what is wrong. Therefore it is very important that we use positive, encouraging and loving words when we are with children.
See, I’m not a medical doctor and none of my services are intend to replace the orthodox medicine. If there’s any symptom of any issues/ illness I’d suggest you to see a Medical doctor. What I’m trying to say here is that I met so many people who are very negative towards their children and their life in general. Don’t tell your children they can’t do something. Always encourage them and use positive words. If they are not doing well at school, what can you do? Rather than teasing them or making fun of them or even punishing them; teach them that you are there for them and make it easier for them to talk to you so you can find out what you can do to assist them. If you tease them or tell them they are dumb; it only creates low self esteem in them.
Any of you had any friends so negative with their children? What do you think?
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