How Mind Works with an Example of My Client.

I thought about writing about a client that I saw few weeks ago. See this example doesn't represent the mind as a whole and how it works, however it gives the reader an idea how we are functioning. I'm sure this reading will be an interesting one if you love reading about human nature and how we all function etc. This is about a session with a client who doesn’t feel any good feelings (should I say he avoid feeling all the good/ positive feelings).

I saw this client about a month ago, he came to see me for his issues for not motivated enough to finish off his studies. He wants to be able to focus on his studies.  I will not mention his name or anything, however I thought it was very interesting for everyone to read and find out how everyone operates or function.

When I was learning Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) I learned about how different people use different representational systems and they function through that (mostly) and also that particular representational system tells us what sort of filter or spectacles the client is using; so they look at the world through that. For example, when a person says “I see what you mean” – The word SEE means that they are ‘visual’ and they have to picture things in their mind to understand things. If a person says “It sounds good to me” - The word SOUND tells us that this person is auditory; which means that they have to hear things to understand.  However it doesn’t mean that they all use the same representational system all the time.  It can be changed day to day and or based on what sort of experience they go through.  However, for some people they predominantly use one representational system. The nervous system (the mind), through which our experience is processed via five senses those are: Visual, Kinesthetic, Auditory, Gustatory and Olfactory.   

Language and other nonverbal communication systems trough which our neural representational systems are coded, ordered and given meaning; includes: Pictures, Sounds, Feelings Tastes, Smells, Words (Self Talk).

Programming: The ability to discover and utilise the programs that we run – our communication to ourselves and others; in our neurological systems to achieve our specific and desired outcomes.

In other words, NLP is how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes.

We can find out what sort of representational system a person is using based on the language they use and also by watching their eye patterns; that means when a person is talking to you, you can notice their eyes move around, that is because they are accessing different part of their brain (there are other reasons as well); so when we learn these eye patterns and how they are using it we can find out what sort of representational systems they are using. And also from using this technique we can find out if they are making up a picture or remembering a picture; in another word we can find out if they are lying or if they are being honest (it can be right in most of the cases – and there are other things to consider as well).

Visual person uses pictures in their mind to process things; 
Eg: I SEE what you mean.

Kinesthetic person likes to feel things. 
Eg: I want to get a GRIP of that or I don’t get a FEEL for it

Auditory person likes to hear things in order to understand or process things. 
Eg: I HEAR what you are saying.

I would like to also mention what is Auditory Digital (Ad). It means that person is very analytical, they like to self talk about anything goes around them or any conversation that anyone have with them and over analyse things.

With this particular client that I saw, he was predominantly Auditory Digital (Self Talk) and he wanted to be able to focus on his studies and finish off his studies.  However what I found out with him was he easily get distracted, he doesn’t feel good emotions; For me that seems to be the main issue (from my assessment) so he get carried away with his own self talk (Auditory Digital) and do things that is not in his priority list.  So far, I have seen him for 2 ½  hour and we have lot more to do.  I just like to stop there and talk about “when a client is a client”. I have learned that the client has to take responsibility for their behavior and ask for help. As a coach or therapist we are not there to FORCE them to make any changes for them, they have to be willing and open for sessions and committed.  With this particular client, he makes appointments but kept on canceling and/or postponing; he will plan to come, but then he will call and say he got to look after his daughter and the next day he will say he needs more rest, and the following day he would say I have an appointment with someone etc… so I wanted to see commitment from his side and I didn’t want to force him either.

I told him when you feel ready to make the change in your life come and see me.  He then told me that I’m not being understanding towards his situation, as a coach what I see is that he wants to keep on doing what he had been always doing.  Think about this, "if you do what you have always done, then you will get the result that you always have got…." Right??? So if we want to Change, we have to Change the way we do things and break the habit (neuron pattern in our brain). As a coach, we cannot buy into a client’s excuses for not being able to make any positive Changes… if we buy into their excuses for why they cannot be successful,  then that makes the coach NOT to be able to help or work with the client to create a successful life that they wanted.


Lots of people seems to be stuck in with their particular issue(s) because when you think about it in a scientific or psychological point of view, for every emotions and behaviours there are neuron patterns, and unless you break that neuron patterns it becomes like bumping into a brick wall again and again and not being able to get through to where you want to go. Sometimes it is impossible for the person to behave in a different way or do something else instead of doing what they had been doing. This is where NLP and TimeLine Therapy™ comes and free the client's from releasing from those neuron patterns (Help them to achieve their goals)
Eg: Smoking, Alcohol addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Depression and almost everything in our life... and these are the things very obvious to many people. (We have to look into other areas as well, however there's always a neuron pattern and connection for everything we do. Even our beliefs has strong neuron patterns)

In the first session with him what I found out with him was that he never felt Loved (from others – receiving love) or Love (he gives/ show love), never cannot bring out the emotion of happiness and or imagine being that.  And when I asked him to remember the time when he first fall for his girlfriend (now married with two children) he said he remember meeting her, but he never felt anything.  Even if she tries to make him feel loved or happy he only felt awkward and he totally didn’t feel those feeling. Then I asked him about how he felt when his first child was born, he said he didn’t really feel anything, after a while he said he felt Proud. 

See, psychology says that if a person is feeling any other emotions other than Happiness and Love then there’s a problem.  But this client that I was seeing he never felt Love/ Loved or Deep happiness.  May be he felt happiness, but he was so disassociated from the feeling.  I wanted to give him some task to make him to internally reflect on himself and how he felt and things like that; however I don’t see any commitment from his side.

This is just to give you an idea of how everyone functions. These representational systems don’t make a person a better or superior or anything; but it just tells us how they interpret the world, events and experiences.  And certain representational systems are good for excelling certain things in our life.

Eg: If you want to be really good with spelling, if a person uses Visual representational system for memorizing it is better and if a person uses Kinesthetic or Ad then it may not work well for them particularly with spelling.

And this is why NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programmers) don’t believe in ADD, we believe that they are using inappropriate representational systems only, so when we teach them the right way of using their representational system these ADD kids get better with their education.

From my perspective nothing wrong with this particular client that I saw few weeks ago, however he was avoiding those representational systems that he supposed to be using. Because of that, it was creating him trouble and/or that became his hurdle to reach his goal.